Date: 11/1/2008

S.O.S


Im anxious again. I like how u feel when you havnt studied for a major test in a subject that you struggle with at school. And then u try to study the night before but the workload is overwhelming. You begin to panic and you cant study. You cannot afford to fail this exam. It feels like im back where i was a year ago. Still troubled still dissatisfied with the life i live and still in pain. Iv made great strides in numbing the pain over the past months, hell i even convinced myself it didnt exist. I set aside good will and morals. But still it haunts me.... Its not the good man that i once was, its not the sum of my sins, it is the wanting and not getting. It kills. All I see around me are the things i cannot have yet so desparately want.. To the point where i doubt my own sanity and question my own longevity. I am self imposed, each day i stare in the mirror and a failure stares back.. A ticking bomb that holds its own detinator. I long to be free. I dont want it enough. More rules must be broken.


Blogs
Main